How SHAME hinders our growth and health

Hey Friends,

Last week, I wrote about the fear that prevented me from pursuing my dreams and starting my business. This week, I wanted to dive deeper into another BIG BAD obstacle I’ve been dealing with for the three years: shame. It’s been a long and challenging journey to come to a place of healing and gratitude, but I’ve learned a lot along the way, and I hope that by sharing my experience, I can help others who may be struggling with shame.

[SIDE NOTE: Moving forward, I’ll be sending 1-2 newsletters per week to share nutrition tips, mindset hacks, business programs and updates! If you’re no longer interested in receiving these emails, do not hesitate to unsubscribe at the bottom of this page. Seriously! No hard feelings. Do what’s right for YOU in this season of your life. I wish you the best!]

As a Queer Asian Female who grew up in a conservative evangelical Christian church, I struggled with shame. I was taught that being a “homosexual” was a sin, and I avoided same-sex "behavior" for most of my adult life. However, it wasn’t until I started dating and kissing girls in my 30s that I felt guilty and ashamed.

Shame is different from guilt. Esteemed Author Brene Brown described, “Shame is a focus on self. Guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is I am bad. Guilt is I did something bad.” Shame can be internalized from any aspect of our lives, whether it’s a mistake at work, a failed relationship, the shape of our bodies, or even the types of food we eat. For example, sometimes clients believe "Certain foods are bad, therefore, if I like this food and eat, then I am bad." When we start to believe that our actions define our worth as a person, we’re internalizing shame.

If you struggle with shame, here’s the good news: healing IS possible. Here are two ways to overcome shame:

1. SHARE. Shame thrives in silence. Seek support from friends, family, or a professional. A supportive community can help us challenge the shame that we feel and encourage us to embrace our authentic selves.
2. SHOW EMPATHY. Knowing that we’re not alone in our struggles opens up space to heal. Sometimes, hearing “Me, too,” can be precisely what we need to hear to begin healing.

My healing journey from the shame of being queer has been… painful, to say the least. I have lost several friends and things have been awkward between my parent and I after coming out. However, it has also allowed me to be more honest in ways I never thought possible or knew I needed. Addressing shame in my life has opened me up to new experiences, relationships, even mistakes, and important lessons that is guiding me to the person I want to be.

Overcoming the obstacle of shame meant remembering that my worth is NOT based on what I do but who I am. And it is with this NEW energy that I am now ready to relaunch my business, write these newsletters, post on social media, serve my clients, and connect with MY community. Thanks for coming along on this journey!

Next Steps:

1. FORWARD this newsletter to someone who can benefit from it.
2. Take the courageous step of sharing with someone you trust today. Sharing is where healing begins.

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